Northern Pilgrimage
A hint of what is to come: Jud prepares for his journey's final leg, reflecting on the profound changes he has undergone. But as he reconciles with the past, what final lessons will he learn? Will the last envelope hold the closure he seeks, or will it open up new doors he never expected?
The heart of a man is like deep water.
Old Testament songwriter
It is well to lay fallow for a while.
Martin Farquhar Tupper, 19th century British poet,
"Dear son, Your next stop is where you spent four years of your life: the University of British Columbia. Remember how we danced in the living room the day you got your acceptance letter into UBC? We were as surprised as you were. But it was your excitement about getting into your university of choice infected us as we swirled, jigged, and yelped through the house. We lived in its glow for months. The thrill was repeated when you entered the London School of Economics for your higher degree. You were so optimistic, and your life was falling neatly into place. After university, we watched with pride as we went from one success to the next.
But, Jud, we also watched you grow a bit fatter, your hair thin out, and a strain developed in your relationship with Kathryn. Our worries were confirmed when you came home for Thanksgiving and told us that you and Kathryn had agreed to take a short time out from each other. You didn’t tell us much, and although you returned to each other a few weeks later, your marriage became the focus of our prayers.
I am sorry for the walk down memory lane. I guess the fact that you are nearing the end of this journey reminds me that I am nearing the end of mine. I am trying to recount everything that has enriched my life: you are at the top of the list.
Please return to Vancouver, not as a student, but as a pilgrim. Take a few days to reflect on your journey and your life. In particular, ask yourself what your dreams are. Be open to the possibility that the dreams you are pursuing are the wrong dreams. Attend a service or two in one of the chapels on campus; it will help you focus on things of the spirit. Keep a journal and center on what is important to you. Now is the time to make decisions, come to conclusions, and seek spiritual insight. I know you are not much of a believer, but I trust your reflection will take on a spiritual texture.
The opportunity you have is to be envied. Not many people get a chance to take time out and reflect on the meaning of their life. love Dad
“I’m off to Vancouver,” Jud said. Kathryn smiled.“Of course, you know that already. I keep forgetting that you’re Dad’s collaborator.”
Upon arriving in Los Angeles, Jud booked his flight to Vancouver. With a couple of hours to spare before their respective flights, he and Kathryn found a Starbucks and celebrated their week together by sharing a Frappuccino. They strolled hand in hand through the departure lounge until they reached Kathryn’s gate. As Jud hugged her goodbye, he whispered, “I love you.”“I know. I love you too. It won’t be long now until you’re home.”
Wanderings and Ponderings in Vancouver
Jud booked a room at the youth hostel near Jericho Beach, where he could reach the University of British Columbia in less than an hour’s walk. For several days, he revisited the old haunts where he and his friends hung out. He strolled through the corridors of the buildings where he had attended classes. Each day, as his father instructed, he participated in a chapel service and spent hours in the library.
One significant book he found in the Regent College Library was The Cloister Walk by Kathleen Norris, a poet who had spent time in a Benedictine monastery. The book reminded Jud of the writings of Thomas Merton, which he had read many years earlier, in a less busy time of his life. Reading Norris’s account of her life in the monastery helped Jud mentally transition from a traveler to a pilgrim. After reading, he often left the library and walked for hours, pondering what he had read and reflecting on his life. He found that his mind would gain fantastic clarity about 45 minutes into a long walk.
One afternoon, his thoughts focused on his father, and Jud decided to write him a letter. The tears began to flow no sooner had the pen touched the paper. He penned the pent-up words he had wanted to get out of his system since learning about his half-brother.
Dad, I have two things to say. First, I forgive you. I do not understand why you made your decisions, but deep in my soul, I trust you and forgive you.
Another thing, Dad: THANK YOU! You have not only given me life, but you have saved my life. This trip has changed me…I realize that the values I base decisions on need review and greater balance in my life. I have you to thank for that. I love you. Jud
He left the Libary and walked to Spanish Banks Beach where he sat on the sand, eyes closed, his back resting against a smooth and flat log except for the gnarled knot pressing into his lower back. Jud relished the fading warmth of the sun on his face. As he shifted position, he opened his eyes just in time to see the sun setting in dazzling glory on the distant horizon of Howe Sound. The orchestral sound of the incoming tide was gentle and rhythmic as if the sun was saying goodbye and the tide was saying hello. Seagulls soared overhead, caw-cawing, while the fragrance of the West Coast rainforest filled the air with a sweet, pleasing scent. The street lights of Vancouver’s West End flickered in the dusk, and the glow of the setting sun cast its spell on the windows of high-rises standing like tall, thin centurions guarding Stanley Park.
Jud felt nourished, rested, and at peace. He was ready to face the challenges of everyday life again, but not on the same terms as before—his values and dreams had been renewed. During his days of wandering through the University of British Columbia campus, exploring the library's riches, and attending chapel services at Regent College and the Vancouver School of Theology, Jud rekindled dreams that had lain dormant. He realized that some of his old dreams were misguided, inspired by fanciful, adolescent notions of what adulthood was. New, mature dreams were emerging in their place. Jud was gaining clarity, in sharp contrast to the depressing fog that had shrouded his life before the trip.
As the light faded, Jud took out his notebook and read the scribbled list of goals he had written during the day: exercise, eat better, read more challenging books, spend more time with Kathryn, and participate in community service. He returned the notebook in his rucksack and took out the envelope marked 10. It was creased and crumpled from nearly three months of travel and felt larger and heavier than the previous envelopes.
“I sure hope it’s a good one,” Jud said to himself as he weighed the envelope in his hand, thinking of how long he had lugged it around the world. He gently peeled back the flap, tugged on the letter inside, and began to read.
"Dear Son, Your journey is nearing its end. But before you take your final flight, I have a challenge for you. The challenge I have set for you is timely, for it is a lesson about the clock. You see, time is ever ticking away, and we can either choose to squander it or invest it. Goals are achieved only when we use time wisely and invest it in worthwhile pursuits. It is a simple concept but can profoundly impact a life: an hour can never be re-lived. Make your life, every minute of it, count.
Now, about the challenge: you have always wanted to learn to fly. Remember how you went on and on about it? Many nights, as I tucked you into bed as a young boy, you would say to me, 'Dad, one day I’m going to be a pilot and fly an airplane all by myself.''I bet you will, Jud,' I would reply.
Years later, I smiled when you wrote from university that you were taking weekend flying lessons at a flight school. But then, a few months later, you quit. In your letter, you told me that flying was more challenging than you thought, and you felt overwhelmed.
This is your mission: return to that flight school and finish what you set out to do. It is a matter of applying yourself and putting in the time. You may not have enough time to put in the necessary hours to get your pilot’s license, but if you work hard and are diligent, you may get good enough to have your first solo flight.
Good luck and happy flying!Dad
P.S. When your flight school is nearly over, please phone David Turner, a friend of mine in New York. His number is on the back of this letter. I know you are eager to get home to New Jersey, but I would be grateful if you could set up an appointment to visit him. He is expecting your call. Love dad
Jud smiled. The book he had lugged around the world was, in fact, his pilot logbook. He opened it and looked at the date of his last flight as a student pilot. Memories he had not recalled for years came flooding back. He remembered barely passing ground school and how he had grown frustrated by not learning as quickly as he wanted. But despite the impatience and his chronic fear of heights that gnawed at him before each flight, Jud had loved flying. When he walked away from the airport on the day of his last lesson, he let go of his childhood dream.
But sitting on the beach looking at Vancouver with the logbook in his hand, he felt a wide, boyish grin spreading across his face.
“I could solo?” he asked aloud as if his father were beside him. He fantasized for a few minutes, imagining it as a reality.
Flying High Over Fraser Valley
Jud was elated. He was in a plane by himself, a thousand feet above the ground. The week he was had been hard work, particularly the first two days in ground school. Although Jud had been through it all before, the instructor insisted on an intense crash course to review the myriad issues involved in flying: weather, mechanics, airspace protocol, and air safety. Fortunately, Jud had renewed his student pilot license several times since attending UBC, perhaps due to an unconscious choice to keep his dream alive.
During the week, he spent about 20 hours in the air. On the seventh and final lesson, he and his instructor flew circuits over the now familiar terrain of Langley City, then moved up the Fraser River and practiced landing at a couple of grass airstrips. After landing back at Langley Airport, Jud taxied the Cessna 172 back towards the hangar adjacent to the flight school. Terry, his instructor, opened his door, hopped out quickly, and said, “OK, Jud, take it up yourself for one circuit.”
“Me? Alone?” Jud’s eyes went wide!“Yep, you’re ready for it; just remember all I’ve taught you, and you’ll be fine.”
After Terry closed the door and gave the thumbs up that he was safely clear of the aircraft, Jud taxied out to the runway. The control tower gave him clearance for takeoff. Jud pushed the throttle in, adjusted the flaps, gained speed, and slowly and gently pulled up the nose of the aircraft, beginning his climb. After a few hundred meters, he banked and banked again so that the airport was to his left. Looking down, he could see the small images of cars, planes, and people on the ground. His face almost hurt from the big grin that had spread across it.
“I’m flying. I’m really flying.” Jud scanned the horizon around him and then dipped the wings several times. “I’m in charge of the aircraft, and I’m in the sky by myself!” he reveled.
As he flew over the Newlands Golf and Country Club, he banked again and turned into his final approach. The landing was not as perfect as he would have liked, but as he taxied towards the hangar where Terry was waiting, the air traffic controller’s voice came over the speaker: “Congratulations on your first solo flight.”
Jud’s journey is nearly complete, but the end is just the beginning of a new chapter. The next and final installment will reveal the culmination of his father’s plan and its ultimate impact on Jud’s life. Stay tuned for the conclusion of this incredible adventure.
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